A change on the horizon

J started a family very quickly after high school and made the very noble choice to be a participating father and provider for his little family. He had to back burner his desire to further his education, which was a shame because he is so stinking smart and loves to learn. Upon us getting married we had a very serious discussion about him going back to school and eventually myself going back. Going back to school seemed to be pushed down on the list, he has a medical issue that require medical insurance and his job has very fantastical bonuses every so many months. It never seemed like the right time for him to go back.

And then, we found out that J will be losing his job.

He isn't particularly broken up about it and after an initial "My-world-is-coming-to-an-end" moment I am feeling a lot better about it. His job is being transferred to Arizona, if we didn't have the girls then we would move in a heart beat, but having a relationship with the girls is extremely important to both of us, so we will be staying here.The nice thing about it is that his job ends June 1 of this year but they will continue to pay them with benefits till October. Which is...AMAZING. And something I am extremely grateful for.

After many talks it looks like he will be trying to find a contract job for the next year (after a long paid vacation) and then hopefully be going back to school next year for a degree in paramedic-emergency services. He is really excited and I am excited for him. I know I will see a lot less of him but it fills my heart to know he will be doing what he has really been dreaming to do.

Books

Does anyone have any suggestions for books?

My last 3 that I have started have been duds. I need help!!!

Every day is a battle:

Depression is something that runs in my family. I have been aware of depression ever since I was a young girl. My father was on ‘happy pills’ before it was the ‘hip’ thing to do. Our family can trace depression and bipolar back for generations, although both things were called something else if you go back a few generations. My first bout of depression came after my mom died; although I am sure I had it in much smaller doses before but did not know what to call it. I mean, as a little girl I planned what my funeral would be like…not my wedding, something was PROBABLY wrong. Ever since then I have ridden the roller coaster of depression, the highs and the lows. I have taken medicine, done therapy, ignored it, worked out, prayed…you name it I have tried it. So, when friends tell me to just, “cheer up, it will get better” or “you are just having a bad day” or “choose to be happy”, I just roll my inner eyes, because if it was just.that.simple. I would be better in a heartbeat.  I am honestly to the point; I don’t even bother telling people because no one really seems to understand what depression really can do to a soul.

I bring this up; because I am dealing with some of the worst depression I think I have ever dealt with. I am sadly, without insurance, at least for a few more months and am unable to seek medical help. Trust me though, the day I have medical I will be sitting in a doctor’s office and asking for meds. I try to be happy. I look for things that make me happy, but seriously, one-teeny-tiny-thing could go wrong and I am weeping in a ball on the floor (I wish I was exaggerating.) For example, last night I couldn’t get the silverware out of the dish drainer, they got caught in the mesh, I cried into my dish water for the rest of the time I was doing dishes. It drives me crazy, because logically, I know what is happening to me, but I have NO control over it. It consumes me. I am drowning in it. I am anxious, nervous, stressed and generally just sad all.the.time. I wake up with it and I go to sleep to it. I hate it. I hate the part of my brain that is broken and allows this to happen and I wish I was stronger so I could fight it.

This post really isn’t about me. It is about J and how amazing he is and how grateful I am to him. The only calm in the storm that is me is my loving J. He is the only thing getting me through this. I can honestly say I do not know what would happen to me without him. He can make me laugh and never makes me feel crazy when I cry over stupid silverware that gets stuck. He gets extremely frustrated when I put myself down because he sees what I cannot. Without him I would drown in my own sadness. He makes me want to put one foot in front of the other so I can get better, because a happy life with him is all I want. I know he loves me with a love that I cannot fully understand and I will forever be grateful to him. I adore and love him.

Thank you Snuggle…you are my anchor in my crazy.

-K

Saying Adios to 2011

Q:What did you do in 2011 that you had never done before?
A: Got in engaged. Moved in with Jeffrey. Got married. Got a puppy.

Q: Did you keep your New Year's resolution?
A: I didn't make one.

Q: What would you like to have in '12 that you didn't have in '11?
A: I would like to be debt free. Loosing some weight. In general just being happy. Getting a new couch and a new bed.

Q: What dates in '11 will be etched upon your memory?
A: um...hmm...what day what day....oh yeah well there is the day he proposed and there should be one other one....oh right the day we got married.

Q: Did you suffer any injury?
A: I did not, thank you! But Jeff was in a car accident and hurt his back.

Q: Best thing someone bought you as a gift?
A: Jeff bought me a Kitchen Aid stand.

Q: Where did most of your money go?
A: Same as last year. Rent. Gas. Bills. Food. Only this year included a wedding.

Q: What did you get really excited about?
A: My new job...oh and getting married.

Q: What song will always remind you of '11?
A: 18th floor balcony.

Q: Favorite TV programs of '11?
A: Big Bang. Castle. New Girl. Up All Night. Raising Hope. Modern Family. Bones.

Q: What was your greatest musical discovery?
A: I can't think of any.

Q: Best book you read this year?
A: Joy for Beginners.

Q: Favorite film?
A: Captain America

Q: My fashion sense of '11?
A: Nothing has changed: Frumpy with an attempt at fashion

Q: What celebs did you fancy the most?
A: TJ Thyne.

Q: Who did you miss?
A: My mom.

Q: What countries did you visit?
A: I didn't leave this year...but Jeff and I went to San Fran for our honeymoon.

Q:Biggest achievement?
A: Getting married

Q: Did you fall in love in '11?
A: Every. Single. Day. :)

Q: What is something that would make '11 better?
A: Having a million dollars. hmmm...realistically probably not having Jeff get in a car accident.

Just because my sweet man...

...makes me laugh.

We recently watched a Family Guy that had Peter filming the "death" (totally faked) of his friend...and to show how the body disappeared he puts a dinosaur into frame and hums the Jurassic Park theme. WELL...this song is now stuck in my husband's quirky head. AND...he loves to sing it while waving his hand dinosaur around my face. Hence, this video. It barely captures what I have been living for two days straight. Day and Night.

I do love him though.

Our New Family

Jeffrey and I got married on October 8, 2011 at the NW Cultural Center in downtown Portland. It was a small intimate wedding that included our closest friends and family. We ate amazingly yummy food, shoved cupcakes in each others faces and danced the night away.

I had four attendants: Allissa, Sara, Meredith, and Amanda.

Jeffrey had his three closet friends: Alvin, Cody, and his father Larry.

Our programs were awesome, thanks to the help of Mary Nelson.

 Our venue is an old beautiful building in Northwest.

The best part of all of it...I made him cry, which had been my goal since he proposed. ;-) 

Here are just a few of my favorite shots...

 

 

 

 

 And last but certainly not least, here is our brand new family...

This new blog is to document our lives together...I hope everyone enjoys seeing more of the Seymores.